2019 – Ten Things I Learned This Year

In the beginning of this year, I was still listening to the clucking of chickens and cracking open their eggs which they laid so diligently huddled together with their fellow flock mates. Here I am at the end of the year sitting in the relatively warm winter of our new home with a much smaller yard, no sound of chickens, no wind breeze rustling through the trees, yet still feeling at calm and at ease. 2019 begin with a series of stressful events and ended up me being here just trying to cultivate as much peace as I can in my home, in my marriage, and in my heart.

Looking back through the past twelve months leads me into a whirlwind of thoughts but I will not burden you much with them rather share with you just ten lessons in the most turbulent year in my life as of yet in hopes that you will be able to benefit in one way or another, insha’Allah.

Let’s begin. Bismillahi Rahman ir Raheem.

1. Be Attentive. The world is constantly shifting and the same shifting waves are always making their way into our lives. A lot shifted in my personal life, with my siblings and my parents. As my parents grow older, their life and worldview is different than what they might have even expected just a few years ago. In the beginning of this year, I learned to be attentive of those changes. Being attentive meant to be observant – to see the world around, to notice the subtleties, to capture the tiny details that are overlooked and remember them in case I will need to use them later to make judgment calls.

2. Manage Your Stress: Oh boy, this was a big one this year. You may already know that I champion the efforts of stress management as I believe it to be the key of good health. Our environments directly impact us internally. I had stressful episodes litter throughout the entire year. It begin with having my mother over (good stress), dealing with a bout of illness (bad stress), starting Ramadan without fasting and continued illness for the next 20 days (very bad stress), trying to make the best of the last ten days that I could (good stress), working out family dynamics (bad stress) and then shortly jumping to the big move out of the city (worst stress of all time, basically). I can say without a doubt that I was unable to manage it as well as I thought I could which impacted my world view and my health significantly. At this point, I consider myself to be in recovery. So you, dear reader, find your way of managing it and stick to it. It is worth it, I promise.

3. Accept your own helplessness. I am a planner. I look over the next month, plan for what I am going to achieve and which steps will make it go as smooth as possible. But what almost always happens? Nothing truly goes according to my plan. It goes according to a plan but not my plan and boy am I glad that it doesn’t. My plans are imperfect, driven by my own wants and needs, by my own biases and perceptions. Allah’s Plans, however, are far superior than anyone can even imagine them to be. His Plans are the ones that I trust. He is the One that I trust. What other choice do we have? Knowing who He is, how He is, I can say with absolute certainty that His Plans are the best for me and for everyone around me. This is what I had to remind and accept over and over again throughout this year. Allah’s Plans are the ones that are executed, His Plans are the ones that matter, His Plans are the best plans. I am helpless in front of them and accepting that is the best position to be in.

4. Kindness with Parents. As the two constant figures in our life begin to grow older (if we are blessed with being able to see that), things change in unexpected ways. From being decision makers, they turn into those who are dependent. My parents have not lost their autonomy, they are still fairly young and able to do the things they need to do for themselves, alhumdulillah. But their situation now is different. They are no longer living in the home that they built but are rather dependent on their children. This very stage is a tricky one. Their dependance can sometimes be overwhelming in light of everything our life is greeting us with. This stage requires patience, it requires kindness, a listening ear, a thoughtful advise, and sometimes, even your mature voice. So be kind. It is a phase, it will pass a lot sooner than we want it to.

5. Everyone is Faulty. Perfection belongs to Allah and He has given protection from sins to His prophets and messengers. As far as the rest of us, we are riddled with flaws. We have character pitfalls, wrong judgment calls, a biased viewpoint. The guide for us is the Qur’an and His Messenger. We must try to act according to that to the best of our ability and ask for forgiveness for our shortcomings. This year, I learned of my faults as well as those who are in my life. It helps to repeat that everyone is faulty, we are all trying to pass the tests of this life to the best of our ability.

6. Not everyone is good intentioned. I learned this lesson a few year’s back when I was a person who believed in the opposite. It was then that I learned what it feels to be taken advantage of, to be used and discarded, to be handed off, to be broken and to rebuild. After recovering from that, I felt that I had learned this important lesson of being cautious of others. Allah (swt) was going to lead me further into this very lesson this year, unbeknownst to me. So I was exposed to behaviors I never imagined that I would see apart from a TV screen. And yet here I was, witnessing exactly that which I abhorred and I was being put to the test on how I would handle it. SubhanAllah, this was a very difficult position to be in and yet, I feel, I did the best that I possibly could. It might have shaved a few years off of my life, but I can rest knowing that I did the absolute best and that I would not change a thing. Some people are definitely not well intentioned, we must recognize that, and we must protect ourselves from them.

7. Do not give up. There was a span a few days or maybe even a few weeks where I did give up on my health. I felt that the only way was down. Accepting the worsening physical condition was my only solution and that I should brace for more impact. Alhumdulillah Allah snapped me out of it and it was worth it. I decided to take action, to do something different, to try something else, to follow my instinct rather than to brush it aside as “false hope” like I had been doing. The effort paid off. I went for a naturopathic approach to my hashimotos and so far, alhumdulillah, it seems to have been the best decision to take. So, if you find yourself feeling like I was, let my action be of some hope for you. Take a step in a different direction, choose to try something else, stand up for yourself, and follow your instinct.

8. Good friendship is the only friendship worth having. Everything in life prepares you for what is to come ahead. I firmly believe that everything does happen for a reason (Allah is the One Who is planning your life, remember?) and so it is taking us all to a worthy destination. This year, I was able to experience what good friendship is like. A good friend advises you, looks at your shortcomings, offers support to lift you up and carry you through the pitfalls. A good friend is a gem. I always do struggle with being a good friend – maybe that’s a topic for another time – but I can now fully appreciate those who have the characteristic of that friend. Look around you and put your friends through a litmus test in your own mind. Do they pass it? Are they truly good friends? Are they leading you towards a good destination or are they dragging you in ways that makes you feel uncomfortable? Truly go through your friend’s list and begin to make necessary changes. You are worth it.

9. Always Stand Up. I have been a staunch supporter of the phrase “choose your battles.” If my entire life is not evidence of that, then I am not sure what is. Choosing your battles means to choose carefully where you stand up for something. Sometimes, it is better to sit and observe, to evaluate and to be attentive (the first lesson of this year). Other times require action and when they do, stand up. It may mean speak up when you are afraid to, it may mean that you speak up in front of your family, your parents, your peers, your boss or anyone else who is around you. But should you speak up for the right reasons, then know that Allah will help you through it. Sometimes, you have a choice to sit and observe, and sometimes the only choice is to act. I pray that you and me, we both make the right decision every single time. Stand up, speak up against oppression even when the transgressor is someone you love, and do not let your values be washed away by other’s expectations and perceived responses.

10. Know Your Limits. Hashimoto’s has taught me one thing, if nothing else, that I have physical and mental limits. Should I choose to cross them, I will have to live through the consequences. Knowing your limits requires introspection and truly loving your self as you are created. My limits were stretched this year, to be honest, but I also learned what happens when I allow another to dictate the way that I serve those around me. Well intentioned people may be trying to push you towards something where your limit does not allow you to go. This is when you take a step back, breathe, and assert yourself in front of others. Your limit is what you can take with strength and a sound heart. Know that limit, see how far it can be stretched, and do not allow it to break.

As you can see, this year was full of self growth and self discovery. I was tested with difficult decisions, a few hardships, and with my own weaknesses. Alhumdulillah for every moment, for every day, because I know without a doubt that I am a much better person than I was before this year started. I celebrated quite a few successes and moments of happiness this year and everything else just caused me to grow in ways that I could not have done so if I was to choose my own tests in life.

2019, you were challenging but I am grateful that you happened and that I was allowed to live through it.

My Dua

Peace and blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad (s), his family, his companions, and all who follow him.

I ask Allah, the Most Merciful, the Oft Forgiving, forgiveness for our countless shortcomings this year, for our continued weakness in the faces of our personal struggles. I ask Allah, the One Who Opens, to open the doors of our spiritual, mental and physical health the next year. I ask Allah, the One Who Guides, to guide us towards the Truth, to hang onto it in happy times and in turbulent times. I ask Allah, the Protector, to protect us against those who wish us harm, those who are malicious, those who are unkind, those who are in power and those who are not. I ask Allah, the One Who Continues to Bestow Blessings, to bless our growth next year, our spiritual ventures and business ventures, to bless our families, our children, our friends, our loved ones, and guide those in our lives to His Deen who have yet to embrace it.

Ameen.